Stop

At the end of 2005, I went on a "school exchange", it wasn't my school, but I was more than happy to make up the numbers they needed.

We spent 3 weeks in Italy and a week in Paris. I fell in love. It's cliche, it's sickening, but I did.

The two weeks I was with him seemed like forever. It wasn't until we'd left them and arrived in Paris, that I realised what was going on. I was obsessed, I couldn't stop talking about him, all my memories seemed to involve him. I still have tiny flashbacks of conversations we would have. He would tease the crap out of me when I got words or phrases wrong, and then those words and phrases became our private joke. When we left, I gave him a lighter, it wasn't over the top, but I knew it was something he would use. The ensuing conversation still plays over and over in my head.

Then we left.



I didn't hear from him again.

He broke my heart. I tried to find him on the internet because he wouldn't reply to emails, I tried to call his mobile, but it never seemed to get through, I would send him random texts, usually due to the influence of alcohol, I still heard nothing.

I gave up. I think I even got to the point where I deleted his number from my phone. (That was about three months back). Now, I can't get in contact with him even if I wanted to.

I logged into MSN today. I got a popup. I have an unread email apparently. That's normal, it's usually Jodie sending me one for a laugh because I keep forgetting to let her know I have a new email address. (I really should get to that.)

I was wrong, it was him. My amore. He has a social networking account on an Italian site, if I want to see the entire profile, I have to create one too. So I do.

He hasn't changed much at all. He looks older, bigger, better and yet, so far away. Still. It took me two years to finally move on. It has been completely undone in a heartbeat.

Ever given up on something?

Ever thought you'd lost?

Ever wondered what happened?

Ever wondered "what if"?

Ever had your heart stop?

I have.

It was tonight. And it made my day.