Lovers' Diary - Teresa

Ah, Teresa. This girl is fantastic. You shouldn't trust me on my word, do make sure you check out her blog, Applaud for Yourself. She is SO self-aware it's scary, more people should be like her. She's open and honest and doesn't mind admitting the hard stuff. Her's is the kind of blog that could make up a whole book. It'd be the one you take with you to your favourite coffee shop. You'd sit in the back corner and read and read until they kicked you out. Simple and poetic, please make sure you check her out.

The more I resent myself, the more I will resent you. The more I feed myself with poor choices and bad judgment and too much red meat, the less I'll care about what you feed yourself.


I see good in your mess, in my mess. In your flaws, in my flaws. In your imperfections, in my imperfections. Be messy and you will teach me to love you anyway. Talk too loud and leave kitchen cupboards wide open for no fucking reason at all. Yell at your loved ones, let them get away with murder for all I care. Let me love you anyway. The more I forgive myself, the easier it will be to forgive you. A thousand 'I'm sorry''s couldn't fill the ocean in my heart. I've already forgiven you, so don't even try avoiding me. Can't you see, can't you see the beauty between you and me? This person that was once a kid and is now emerging like a glowing sun off the coast of 5 o'clock somewhere. I am emerging. You helped. You were there for my creation and now you are nowhere. You fill the spaces as unanswered texts, ignored emails, missing footprints all around me. I'd prefer you here, but only if you're ready. Only if you can handle me, and you may not be able to.


I'm like you. I'm told I am just like you. This is good because now I can understand you. I understand me and now I want to end this thing, but not without saying this. And I wish I could shout this on a rooftop. I would if I could. Just climb a ladder, knees and heart trembling. Climb so high, you'd think there was a flood. And I might say something awkwardly poetic like, "Oh, there is a flood. A flood of love." And I'd stand next to these clouds, these cities in the sky and declare this. I'd declare that even you, in your absence, even you in your neglect, have taught me about love.


And with my megaphone soul, I'd say something like "The more you hate you, the less you'll love me." And then it would dawn on me and I'd finally understand and the realization would be enough and I wouldn't have to shout anymore. And I'd climb back down to earth and plant my feet on this soil and watch new lives grow all around us.

Teresa x